解脱

Before the Vietnam trip, received a letter from cs. He said he can't put it down, he regretted. He didn't ask for reconcile, just mention he regretted.

I have alot of questions in mind that are not cleared and answered. Few days ago, he chatted with me again on msn. That's when I decided to settle this matter. I asked him ' What's exactly your relationship wit that gal?'. ' Does she involve in our break up?'

He didn't answer the 2nd question. But his reply makes the whole thing clear and I finally had an answer or rather a clear decision to move on totally. He said ' We just tgt recently. But is unstable. I was confused of my own feeling'. At one moment, I thought I will break down to hear the news he is tgt with the gal. But no, to my own surprise, I was calm or to say, no feeling at all. My two sisters who were sitting beside me act even more extreme than me, ann even blurt out the word 'F*** off '.. haa..power sisters.

I guess I just want an answer after months of dwelling in this matter. Is the problem lies with me or because of 3rd party? He had made me lose confidence in myself and in relationship especially the first two mths.

Then, I asked him what's that to regret when you are ald with the gal. He merely mentioned he kept of thinking back of the memories when we were together. He felt miserable. He felt sorry for hurting me. I thought, this guy who was with me for 3yrs is like a totally different person now, a useless guy who can't even get hold of your own feeling. Please just go away if you can't appreciate me.

Wj asked what's my feeling after hearing all these from him. I can only say I felt relieved. All the while, I have been wondering the reason of break up. 'Are you happy to hear that he was regretted?' wj asked. At some point of time, I did feel happy. No because of thinking there's chance of reconcile as I know it is impossible, moreover he is wit the gal now but because I know at least I am worth.

2010 ending soon, perhaps it also resembles a new start to me. I finally felt a sense of relieve. There's a song by Ah Mei as the title 解脱. Let use it as to mark the end of this matter from now.

解脱

爱是不夜城 回忆像星辰

热泪越沸腾 我越感觉有点冷

变了心的人 越想越伤人

苦坐到清晨 阳光替房间开了灯

想 若结局一样 又何苦再想

想 若让人成长 我为什么怕分手的伤

解脱 是肯承认这是个错

我不应该还不放手

你有自由走 我有自由好好过

解脱 是懂擦干泪看以后

找个新方向往前走

这世界辽阔 我总会实现一个梦